Put any number of stepparents in the same room and they will all agree that step-parenting carries a significant number of challenges. Diana Baumrind (1967) described three basic parenting styles. 1- AUTHORITARIAN PARENTING=stern, rigid, demanding, uncompromising 2- PERMISSIVE PARENTING =lacking expectations or reasonable demands, may be neglectful or indulgent 3- AUTHORITATIVE PARENTING=sets limits, defines expectations, open to compromise, expresses warmth Though generally descriptive of all parented households, these parenting styles face a greater challenge in step-parent families. Children are more likely to test the limits of a step parent's authority, pit parent of origin against step parent, exaggerate a step parent's attempt for order and control, and refuse to recognize the step parent as a viable part in the family's life. Past and present relationships between children and their step parents, each individual's age, and the parent of origin's involvement all play an integral part in the emotional response to how step parents parent and children allow themselves to be parented. Underneath all the outwards signs of struggle and compromise lies one basic need that both children and step parents share. THE NEED FOR ACCEPTANCE IS EACH AND EVERY INDIVIDUAL'S PRIORITY- A BASIC NEED. Getting to the point of mutual acceptance depends upon many factors. Those individuals who are most directly involved in the discordance between children and step parents usually put in a great deal of effort though the results are the less than successful. An impartial individual trained in family compromise, who will recognize each individual perspective and will gently support and guide both parties into a more favorable relationship should be engaged to help this family survive and grow. Often step parent/child conflicts can be resolved through short term therapy. Anger, disrespect and denial CAN turn into HAPPINESS, RESPECT AND ACCEPTANCE. To learn more, call or email. |